Landmark Forum Results Blog

Share Your Breakthroughs.

“I Can’t Wait”

I completed the Curriculum for Living and the Communication Curriculum in 2007 and at the age of 50, stopped resisting myleadership. In 2008, I took on the full two years of the Team, Management andLeadership Program, during which time I was a campaign manager and then, last year, a candidate for Arizona State Senate. While I did not win, I learned quite a lot and took on the Introduction Leaders Program in Spring 2011 to hone  my leadership skills.

As someone who is trained to keenly listen for and reliably deliver that which makes a real difference in what matters to people, I have a tremendous opportunity to be a contribution to the people in my community so that regardless of who they are, they have a say. Imagine a politician who cannot be bought or pressured, one who cares about building
neighborhoods. I get to be “the one” because, as Jorge Castro always says, “Your mama ain’t comin’!” I can’t wait!

Pat Flickner

Phoenix, AZ

 

What is a Blind Spot?

Note: The following entry is actually a excerpt from a book by Bari Lyman’s book “Meet to Marry”- which was released in 2011.   In this exerpt, she shares about the reconciliation she created with her family after her participation in the Landmark Forum:

What Is a Blind Spot?

Like the part of the road you can’t see in your rearview mirror
when driving, a blind spot is something about yourself of which you are not
consciously aware. It’s there, but you can’t see it. People in your life may
know what your blind spots are, but you don’t. Typically, you’re the last one
to know. By uncovering a blind spot and bringing it to your awareness, you can
finally arrive at a place of inspiration that leads to action. Becoming unstuck
is a direct result of uncovering this new information.

Jumping into action allows for miraculous changes in your life.

Warning Signs of a Blind Spot

Blind spots can manifest when you complain and make excuses about
people or situations. The irony about blind spots is that other people can
recognize them right away. As for us, though, they are hidden from our view.
When you are unaware of the behavior and believe the external event is causing
the problem, this is a blind spot. Until you uncover these blind spots, they
will continue to keep you from your happiness. Some warning signs that a blind
spot is in action include statements like:

All women are . . .

All men are . . .

There is no one left to date.

Everyone out there is lousy.

Men are afraid of commitment.

Women don’t get me.

There are no good guys to connect with.

The scene is awful.

I really do my best to be out there, but . . .

It’s a meat market.

It’s a bloodbath.

When we cannot (or will not) find the true causes to events that take place in our lives, we pin the blame on anything outside of ourselves. The hard truth is that the real causes never come from outside of us. They come from within. That means that the real solutions
never come from outside of us either. The key to having the life of your dreams is inside
of you. Just like you can see solutions to so many of your friends’ “obvious”
problems while they walk around clueless, the outside observer can easily see
what we are oblivious to: we are blocked, under the control of our blind spots,
which lead us to make wrong decisions over and over again.

It’s an inside job, really.

I learned about blind spots and breakthroughs in the Landmark
Forum, a course focusing on personal transformation and living life fully. I had
many personal breakthroughs from participating in the course. One of the main
truths that surfaced was a blind spot related to my father, crucial information
that, in turn, subconsciously affected all of my relationship choices.

After my parents divorced when I was twelve, I told a judge that I didn’t want to see my father anymore. He granted me the right to make that decision. As a result of that decision, I didn’t see my father for more than fifteen years. In fact, I later found out that for many years, my father didn’t stop trying to see me.

When he would come for visitation, I hid; I didn’t want to be found. Because of the dysfunction and the fighting and always being asked to take sides, I wanted to be far away from both of my parents. When I was still a child, I made the decision that I didn’t need my father, and I acted as if and lived as though I didn’t have one.

Fifteen years later, at the Landmark Forum, I had a breakthrough. I realized and immediately felt the impact of that decision I’d made, essentially “divorcing” my father. Not having him in my life was one of the reasons I’d been attracting inappropriate men all
those years
. I realized that the men I attracted were people I wanted to subconsciously “fix,” so as to re-create my familiar, dysfunctional childhood. I realized the actions I took as a hurt child would become some of the saddest of my life. I had a father, and I rejected him. In turn, I dragged that “story” around for years. Unbeknownst to me, it was my biggest blind spot.

Another important breakthrough had to do with my relationship to my family. As I mentioned, I had a rather lonely childhood. When I was born, my mother and her family stopped speaking over a disagreement that no one could remember. When I was nine, my mother and I ran into an old couple on the steps of the synagogue, and suddenly they all burst out crying.

My mother then announced, “Bari, these are your grandparents.” Ouch. I had grandparents and an aunt, uncle, and cousins I never knew about. Because I didn’t even know that I had any family until I was nine, all of my perceptions about my relatives came from my mother. Because of her childhood experiences, and never feeling like she fit in, her subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle messages conveyed that her family was all out for themselves. She thought her family didn’t approve of my father as well as other misconceptions. My mother didn’t get the love she needed, and she channeled all of that negative sentiment to me. And so it goes with the origins of our blind spots and the
incidents in our lives to which we add meaning and take with us into adulthood.

After I completed the Landmark Forum, I realized immediately that I kept my cousins at a distance, even years later. On the one hand, I longed for closeness and love from them, especially having been an only child. On the other hand, despite this strong craving, I spent my life feeling that my cousins didn’t really care about me. After the course, I called one cousin and made arrangements to see her. I told her about my breakthrough and how much I had always wanted to be closer to her. She replied that she always loved me,
and that she too wanted to have a closer relationship. She told me that she would always be there for me. We both cried. At that moment, I really understood that it had been me that created and kept the distance between us. It was an amazing blind spot to have discovered!

After understanding the misguided relationship I had with my father, I immediately took action and contacted him. A few days later, I was on a flight from Florida to New York to see him. From the window of my cab, parked across the street from the Maimonides hospital in which I was born, I saw an adorable old man with red hair waiting to greet me. My stomach sank. I’d missed so many years of his presence. At our reunion that day, he cried and shared his pain and sadness over those years of trying to find me. He felt such terrible rejection. After the divorce, he recounted how he went into a terrible depression, and for many years, he didn’t want to live.

He asked so many questions about how it could have happened. How could such a decent guy deserve to be kicked out on the street with his possessions in garbage bags? I couldn’t tell him why because I didn’t understand it myself. After all, I was a child at the time, an innocent victim in this family. I sat and listened to his story, and told him how I regretted
my own judgment, which led to the end of our relationship. I spent two days in his world getting to know him again. He took me by the hand and we walked around his Boro Park neighborhood together. He showed me off to his friends. I realized from spending time with him that I got my creativity, sense of humor, and drive to search and seek from him.

This experience created a window for me to understand my parents.  I was able to forgive them and to forgive myself. It was an incredible opportunity to help me move on. In the forum that I participated in through Landmark Education, I learned to be grateful to my parents simply for having given me life. Everything else beyond that was a bonus. I was able to relate to them in a new context, as people who did the best they could do for me at the time.

Breakthroughs allow for immediate action. By discovering what lurks in the depths of yourself, you don’t need to live another day stuck behind a blind spot.

Bari Lyman,  South Beach, Florida

Her book “Meet to Marry” is available  at Amazon.com

The Health Of A Country Is At Stake

Before participating in Landmark forum I was very limited in what to ask and what not to ask for. I was being very safe in asking from people where I know I would get what I want or be very resigned about asking from those people where I have already made a decision that it will be no. There was a third dimension of not being able to deal with a no and leaving others with respect if there were a no to my request.

Since participating in Landmark forum asking from people has become obvious to me if I am interested in producing expanded results. One such area is my committment to make India a country free of open defecation. I have been successful in raising funds (are you kidding! asking money from people!! a clear no no) for construction for a water and sanitation scheme for a village of 150 families in India.

The first project raised $6,000 to supply a safe drinking water scheme free of excessive fluoride through two tube wells. The second project was an entertainment evenning attended by almost 225 people and we raised $3,000 for construction of 30 toilets including a sanitation block for primary school of 53 children. The access for me was clearly asking and being unstoppable in the face of no and the bonus – no resentment from people who were a no at the time. What next! – my games have become bigger and better. I am creating an event to ride bicycle from Mumbai to Delhi in Oct 2012.

The goal is 100 people pledging 100 villages to be free of open defecation. My vision of India – a country free of open defecation will be reality in the next 10 years.

What a great future to live into!

Viral Tripathi
Mumbai

To learn more about the impact of open defication see: http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?sid=aErNiP_V4RLc&pid=newsarchive

 

Being Heard

Where to begin…

I felt a little more relaxed walking into the Advanced Course having spent the weekend in the Landmark Forum which is set up in similar time style. 12-13 hour days,and now I know the break structure and that it is in fact possible to make it through the weekend.

We started off in a MUCH smaller group than the Forum – down to a quarter of the size. There were some familiar faces from my March Forum, and also from my Integrity Seminar.

Walking in, I knew the things that I was struggling with since the Forum that wouldn’t quite willingly take the back seat. I was still very very angry, upset, and emotionally invested in the fact that I could not obtain my Boat Crew certification with the USCG Auxiliary that I so desperately wanted. It has been a difficult summer in that respect since I am trying other activities within the Auxiliary and before I even begin I’m writing them off because they’re not what I really want to be doing.

The Advanced Course takes 3 main missions that are the structure for the conversations within the course. One of those is true Mastery of Reality. This is what sunk in with claws and never let go. This came up for me on the tail end of Friday, and continued thru Saturday and Sunday.

At the end of Saturday, I had really really come face to face with this resentment I had. And I had a choice. I had the choice to accept that this story of what was happening was adding to my inability to move forward and to accept it as it was – nothing more, nothing less.

Looking back, Of course I wasn’t feeling empowered and able to inspire people. I was attempting to do that (or so I thought) and on the complete opposite end of the spectrum I had made myself out to be the victim of something beyond my control. This dichotomy was completely ruining my ability to be effective.

The moment that has changed my life forever came Sunday afternoon, just before our dinner break. The conversation had started to talk about the power of language in our shaping of the world, and our relationship to other people. I felt moved to speak and got up to share.

I shared with the group a lesser known fact of the suicide rate of deaf male teens in their college years, and the source of that suicide rate. Being deaf puts an entirely different meaning on the power of word and language.

When you have sign language, it is only effective when you have others who can speak the same language. This is not the case for the large majority of the world. When you spend your day in and day out existence in a world that you can’t communicate with, your sense of existence deteriorates. You feel invisible when you look out and you see a world talking back and forth with each other and interacting.

You see this and when you try to reach out and capture it, you are either ignored or left confused because you lack the pieces of the puzzle to provide meaning to the exchange.

I took my hearing aid out to give a visual representation to the group. A Black and White, Language and No Language world. I explained how when it didn’t work,I feel like all of the sudden I have no meaning in my life to communicate and share myself, and my ideas.

I had no idea my sharing of this would move so many people. I had the instructors of the course telling me that it had left them speechless.

We left for our meal break and I had felt like I was having an out of body experience – I couldn’t feel my hands, feet, and they were tingling. My brain was just quietly frozen, sounds passing before me but a sense of subtle disattachment.

People would come up to me and address me and thank me. It blew me away that being me, EXACTLY AS I AM, no more and no less, was able to provide this breakthrough connection for people. If I had been more deaf, I would not have the ability to function at the level I do and even be in the space. If I was less deaf, I wouldn’t have had the issues that made me feel so strongly about this.

When we had our Tuesday night session that was open to past graduates and guests, I shared a summary. I shared a summary that I walked in with my condition of being hearing the something that the biggest obstacle in my way to being empowered and making a difference in people’s lives. I shared the point where I had the realization that in fact my burden was actually a blessing beyong belief. And how it had felt to have that realization, to speak it into the world and give it intention and a declaration that I AM AMY AND I AM ME.

I am signed up for the Self Expression and Leadership course that begins in August and part of this course is to take on a project. Not only am I taking on a project, but I think I have found that BIG PROBLEM that is worth dedicating my life for. Something that will impact my life every day for as long as I live. Something that gives me passion beyond anything I thought I was capable of containing.

I didn’t get my life back through Landmark Forum. I got a new life that is capable of anything.

Amy Fox

What a Blessing

My Dad and I did it tough growing up. He physically abused me as a child and as a result I lived my life hurting others before they could possibly hurt me. It’s a pretty lonely existence keeping everyone at arms length and stuffing down the feelings and words of love so they could never possibly get out.

I made everyone suffer and sometimes took pleasure in it. Recently after the earthquake that made me homeless I reached out to Dad and he was there for me. One night sitting outside we had a really liberating conversation around how we both had been living our lives. He agreed to give up the guilt and I was ready to give up the blame. Whew.

Then I did the Landmark Advanced course some 12 weeks later. I realised that giving up the blame is not enough. I was still holding out on Dad and I know he really wants me in his life.

I rang him the other day and we talked about going together to watch some of the Rugby world cup games in his home town in the next few months. He was absolutely thrilled. It’s a five hour drive for me and I want to spend some time with my Dad doing something cool. I love my Dad and today from nothing I created the possibility of being proud to be his daughter.

Johanna van Aalst

Sharing

In October of 2009, I attended the LandMark forum in Calgary with my Dad. I wasn’t living in Calgary at the time, I had moved back home, so we drove in from BC and stayed at a friends house in the city (who, subsequently, I now live with). The Forum was recommended to us by a friend of ours who had done it and experienced great results.

I can’t easily explain or articulate in words what happened during the Forum. I didn’t really learn anything, per se. What I experienced, however, was something very profound. Being in that seminar with all of those people, sharing their experience, and even getting up to share at the microphone was truly transformative for me.

I really got a sense of the possibilities I could create for myself, and I also got a succinct idea of what I really can be doing to make a cifference – quite simply, share.

I am now taking the Landmark Forum in Action seminar series a year later. Though I have been out of the Forum for a year, I still remember quite a bit of the perspectives and the language used in this education. The seminar series has really propelled me into new realms of possibility by taking what I had learned the year prior, and expanding on that.

What I have got most out of this experience, what has really hit home for me, is sharing myself authentically with others. I have witnessed many times the power my words and authenticity have had over other people around me. I have come to realize that I have a far greater impact on people than I would ever allow myself to believe. I’ve been caught up in the idea that when it came to sharing about recovery, that should be done within the confines of the recovery and
12 step community. When it came to sharing about my experience with the LandMark Forum, I was stuck in a racket which hindered me from expressing the true nature of sharing my experience. Now I can clearly see how the two ideologies are in fact one.

The 12th step states:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics/addicts, and practice these principals in all our affairs.

Sharing in meetings and helping other addicts and alcoholics is my duty, as a sober person, as I would not be free today had not someone else shared their experience, strength and hope with me. Having experienced the Landmark Forum, I can now see where I run rackets about putting this into action. I would shy away from sharing at meetings because I didn’t think I had anything ‘profound’ or important to say, so why bother. I was reluctant to hold up my hand when the chairperson asked at the end of a meeting ‘If there is anyone willing to be a sponsor, please raise your hand’, because I didn’t think I could do a good job, or I didn’t want to end up being someone’s counsellor. I was reluctant to get into service work because it might take up too much of my time, or I was afraid to make a commitment because I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to succeed, either, because then someone might expect something from me – I might be accountable then. The fact of the matter is, I am accountable anyways, as that is what the 12th step states. As I mentioned, I would not be sober today if another addict or alcoholic had not shared their story with me.

When I look at the Landmark Education in conjunction with the 12 steps, this idea of sharing myself authentically really hits home. Why does it have to be about recovery? Why does it have to be about the Landmark Forum? How about I just be fully self expressed and share about whatever is on my mind, regardless of that inner dialogue, rackets or my strongsuits. I can see now how those things kept me sick in my addiction, and continue to hold me back from truly Making a Difference in my life, the lives of others, and in Life itself.

Anytime I am sharing authentically, and am fully self-expressed, I am practicing the 12th step, and I am doing my LandMark homework. Sharing is part of my spiritual experience, it is part of my spiritual growth.

When I share, I am carrying the message – about recovery, about the Landmark Forum, about Life. When I share, I am practicing the principles of the Twelve Steps – spreading the message of recovery to other addicts and alcoholics, spreading the message of transformation from the Landmark Forum. I am taking what I have been given, freely, as a gift, and giving it freely to others. My life is abound with gifts, and I am so full of Gratitude for this- and I can only keep what I have by giving it away, freely, as it has been given to me.

Tim Molloy

Liberation

I attended the Landmark Forum in San Francisco this weekend (June 10th, 2011) My forum leader was Jeff. I knew the seminar was worth while as my sister was rather insistent I attend. Even though I fully “got” what she had FINALLY come to realize I took her advice and attended.

She was pretty adament I would still benefit. So, assuming I was going to spend 3 days of someone telling me all the things I already knew (importance of validating and loving the people around you, etc.) By the end of the first day I started getting a little frustrated with myself. My logical self told me I couldn’t possibly be “racket free”as I had initially thought. But I just could not relate to a lot of what I considered “petty differences” that people were walking up to the mic and addressing. I did a whole lot of crying though…I just hate to see people in pain. In fact, I’m almost allergic to it. As I considered the small trivial rackets that didn’t seem like “the big blind spot” I began pushing them aside for later. As Jeff explained how abusive we were to ourselves and the people around us…as he explained there was no real weight of guilt or blame to be shouldered because of it…”welcome to being human” was a comforting blanket. A soft spot to look out and consider a new perspective. I’m an over thinker already, and this course had steam coming from my ears…if I had to pinpoint when I had my “break through” it began the morning of the second day. Suddenly my “blind spot” was right before my eyes. Too afraid to lose anyone I have made excuses for everyone in my life. So desperate for love and acceptance I would endure anything not to confront a problem. Content just to endure whatever I had to. Which ironically kept me from the very thing I needed so desperately. Jeff said there was nothing wrong with me. He was wrong. There was something very wrong with me until he liberated me from the cycle of self abuse. I’ve spent the last week giddy as a 4 year old to interact with strangers and friends alike. The people in my life crave closeness with me. I can feel their validation and love every moment I am in their presence. Every encounter with people is almost a spiritual awakening for me. I feel connections with perfect strangers instantly when before I didn’t even feel properly connected with my kids. The Landmark Forum helped me step out of my own little world and into the real one…where I watch in half amusement half sadness the people all around me rolling around constrained in their own bubble of reality. I find myself naturally relating to them. I can see people with complete clarity. I see myself with complete clarity.

Communication is natural, easy, and effective. Once upon a time last week I found communication frustrating and pointless. No matter how hard I tried to convey my thoughts the conversations felt ineffective and pointless. I had long ago given up on trying to be understood. Now when I communicate it’s through love and total understanding. My 16 year old daughter smiled at me so genuinely at me I was left breathless.. and totally present to the fact she hadn’t done that in years.. I used to complain that I wanted to care about people… what they are doing… what their names are… but I never could manage to break out of my apathy. I went to a confrence for work shortly after the seminar and remembered the names of every person I interacted with. I have an interest in people like a 4 year old child. I can’t seem to shut up these days. I’m completely confident standing up and engaging a group of people. Not just talking, but ENGAGING. My life is forever changed. If the Landmark Forum could truely put into words what they give no one would ever sign up because they just wouldn’t believe it. In a world where we struggle to meet our own expectations its nearly impossible to believe in 3 days you can become completely transformed. That’s a bold statement. But the Landmark forum really delivered. They didn’t give me a set of instructions for fixing my life. They just fixed it. THANKS JEFF!!!!

Michelle

Courage in Relationships

The Landmark Forum had a profound effect on me in general, but it wasn’t until well over a year after the Forum that it all started to take hold within me.

I was in a relationship that was going nowhere and we both knew it. We both loved each other, but we were “stuck.” I chose to move out and “move on” in my life; focusing on me and on dealing with the issues in my life that truly needed my attention (finances, relationships with my sons).

It wasn’t until I totally stepped away from this relationship that I realized just how much of our “upset” I was creating by simply NOT dealing with my own issues head-on and FIRST. After careful consideration and with me tackling my own issues responsibly and powerfully, we chose to give it another shot.

I’m not one to believe “on again, off again” can work. But I can vouch that if two people are willing and committed to going forward with integrity and without rackets, it can happen. I am living proof of this – and my partner is not a Landmark grad!

I’m so thankful to Landmark for giving me powerful tools that help me live a life I create and one that fulfills me in so many ways. I’m still not “there” yet in many regards, but I am able to use these valuable insights to assist in other areas of my life and allow me to be free of upsets and enjoy each day as it is. I can see my relationship with my sons growing and flowering every day and for that, I’m forever grateful!

This is a course everyone could benefit from.

Monica Trexler

Thank You

I did my Landmark Forum in 1998 and participated in several graduate programs. My life completely transformed since then. I am currently at a point where I am looking to reinvent myself in my career. I should say that the work I did almost 13 years ago still remains as a guiding force. Thanks to Landmark Education and all the work it does worldwide.

Mark Sundar

A New Life

This Friday I Did forum in India, Mumbai, My forum leader was Gurmeet.

I had gone their because In my career I was working very hard, i was so workaholic that i had harm my health also for work but i was not getting the results from my profession, Success & money was missing.

Today is Monday and still one day to finish my forum and I got my answer, not just the answer I got a new life, I came over from my past which was coming in my present and future, and was restricting me from success.

I want to say thanks to Gurmeet ( the forum Leader) from deep of my heart for transforming my life…I got new life, new possibilities, i got my happiness back…I do not have gurmeet email id, so I cant send him this, so I am posting it on the blog, I would request if this mail can be forwarded to Gurmeet so that my words could reach him, thanks Gurmeet…Thanks Landmark.

Now I am committed to introduce Landmark forum to all the people I meet throughout my life, I want people to feel the happiness which I am feeling right now. I am on the top of the world…thanks Landmark,

Shashank Gupta

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING

“What I have found in myself and others as a result of participating in Landmark is the inestimable benefit of improved self-esteem, confidence and motivation. These are the key components of what some people are now calling ‘Emotional Intelligence’; they are also the prerequisites for success for learning, work and life.”

Sir Christopher Ball, Oxford scholar, knighted in 1988,
Chancellor Emeritus, University of Derby, UK

“The Landmark Forum is not magic. It is not scary or insidious. It is, in fact, simple common sense delivered in an environment of startling intensity. It is this intensity that makes the difference. While any one of us might well have already been told the same home truths by friends and family, we were too distracted by life and too wrapped up in our own defence mechanisms to listen.”

Ameila Hill The London Observer

"I received probably one of the best educations possible—Harvard, Duke, Yale, etc.—but the single course that made the biggest difference in my ability to live a happy, effective and fulfilling life—was The Landmark Forum."

Dr. Keith Berger, MD
CEO of the Center for Health and Cancer Prevention

Share this:

FacebookPinterestTwitterLinkedInGoogle+Reddit

RECENT POSTS

Landmark Forum Social Media

FacebookTwitterPinterestGoogle+LinkedIn CompanyYouTube Channel