My Dad and I did it tough growing up. He physically abused me as a child and as a result I lived my life hurting others before they could possibly hurt me. It’s a pretty lonely existence keeping everyone at arms length and stuffing down the feelings and words of love so they could never possibly get out.

I made everyone suffer and sometimes took pleasure in it. Recently after the earthquake that made me homeless I reached out to Dad and he was there for me. One night sitting outside we had a really liberating conversation around how we both had been living our lives. He agreed to give up the guilt and I was ready to give up the blame. Whew.

Then I did the Landmark Advanced course some 12 weeks later. I realised that giving up the blame is not enough. I was still holding out on Dad and I know he really wants me in his life.

I rang him the other day and we talked about going together to watch some of the Rugby world cup games in his home town in the next few months. He was absolutely thrilled. It’s a five hour drive for me and I want to spend some time with my Dad doing something cool. I love my Dad and today from nothing I created the possibility of being proud to be his daughter.

—Johanna van Aalst