The most useful concept I learned in the forum is the distinction ‘story’.
My husband Steve , who is the king of men and an amazing, brilliant and generous human being, has, in a very deep place inside, a story called ‘I’m a victim’. We laugh about it, because he realizes it is an automatic narrative which pops up from time to time. In the midst of being a very responsible person, I’ll suddenly hear him saying someone ‘did’ something to him that isn’t ‘fair’; he’ll be all upset . However, as soon as I say,’Oh, there is the victim!’ he’ll laugh, be able to distinguish his conversation as a story, and be able to totally give it up.